Saturday, August 30, 2008

At Least Here, There's Only Two Months A Year I Need Sunscreen

I'm about to have a new scar. I'm calling it the, "they took the baby from the wrong side scar" because it's about the size of a C-Section scar but on my back. Or maybe the, "they took my kidney and left me in a bathtub of ice, but at least they taped that phone to my hand scar", or my personal favorite, "scar? what scar? that's a stretch mark, oh so now I'm fat? scar".

It's actually from having my melanoma removed. Thanks Southern California!

Actually, I probably should have listened when Gige told me two years ago to have that thing checked out. You all should have that thing checked out. Even if it's not a thing yet, maybe it's just a weird little freckle you've had since you were 4, or even if you don't even have anything and you're just showing your doctor a perfectly spotless piece of skin and he's like, "Uh, there's nothing there." and you're like, "Dude, are you sure? What if it turns into something?" and he's like, "But it's just your belly button." and you're like, "Is it a cancer belly button!?!"

The plastic surgeon they brought in to do my top layer of stitches (oh yeah, two layers cause I like mah stitches like I like mah men, deep and made from animal intestines) told me I was too young to have melanoma. I told him I was 28 and asked how old he was. "How old do I look?" he said. "I don't know," I replied. "I'm face down on this table with half a pillow in my mouth, I can't see you." He laughed which was nice except for the part where I didn't necessarily need his hands shaking right at that moment. When he was done I heard him snap off his gloves and say, "It was a pleasure stitching you up." I removed some sanitary pillow covering from my mouth and said, "Yeah, I loved getting them. I was gonna spend the morning watching that sassy Veronica Mars, but this was fun too."

Anyway, now it's gone and everything is fine. And thanks everyone for pushing me to get it looked at. And thanks for the well-wishings, and biopsy presents (tb), demanding drunk phone calls at midnight that you're flying out immediately to be there for me (bub), apology phone calls the next morning for waking me up (bub), and all that stuff.

Monday, August 25, 2008

It's Like Buffy But With A Latino Biker Gang Instead of Vampires

Note to self: Take off glasses before you try to wash your face.

Oh, also - stop watching Veronica Mars because you're so distracted by it you just put both contacts in the same eye and then couldn't figure out why you were having a hard time seeing.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Warning! This Post Contains Pictures of Gross Bloody Things.

As some of you may know I like to run, and coincidentally I'm sort of clumsy. Now, up until today I had managed to avoid falling or tripping (ok, so I trip a lot. but not dangerous tripping, just oops who put that curb there tripping) for the last several years. It could be because I'm not very fast, actually I'm frequently (read: always) passed up by all kinds of different runners, and occasionally a few swift walkers.

So, I managed to go the entire Chicago winter, running on black ice without eating it. I managed to train for a marathon where I would sometimes be running for four or five hours at a time, without falling to the pavement. I managed to run up the gd hills of the San Francisco Marathon without spilling over. (Yes, I fell on the Golden Gate Bridge just five miles into it, but I don't count that because that Venezuelan woman tripped me - ON PURPOSE - or maybe not on purpose but she wasn't sorry about it at all) But then today . . . TODAY I go for a slow, three mile run and two blocks into it I trip over a crack in the sidewalk and skid along the concrete for about a mile. I was only going like 4.5 miles an hour, and I'm pretty sure I managed to scream several cuss words out before I actually hit the ground but for some reason that seemed to be enough to do this:

This is going to look incredibly attractive in a tank top. If you need me, I'll be the girl wearing long sleeves in the 85 degree weather watching every little step she takes*, and possibly jogging with a walker for safety next time.

*you will be there.