Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year’s Resolution #1: Procrastinate Less And Try To Pay Attention To Ooh What’s That Shiny Thing?

I should be working on the play I’m supposed to have finished by the time I start school again, but am I worried about that?

Hell no!

Jack Bauer is trying to kick a heroin habit in a single 24 hour period AND save the world yet! again! Who am I to deny him my attention? He needs me.

Other things I’ve done instead of writing this-thing-that-has-become-impossible:

1. Braided my hair with ribbon.
2. Baked brownies using oregano so that if I ever make pot brownies I’ll know what they look like.
3. Vacuumed my whole house without unplugging it a single time. Try that people with houses bigger than 800sq ft!
4. Internetted.
5. Unbraided hair, disgusted with the look of ribbon.
6. Resisted the urge to watch the last 14 episodes of 24 in a single sitting.
7. Watched all of season 6 Friends episodes instead.
8. Ate oregano brownies.
9. Texted Alex about love of Jack Bauer’s new sidekick.
10. Napped.

There should be some sort of electrical device that zaps me every time I don’t write when I sit down to do so. Not that I would ever hook it up, I’d be too distracted trying to figure out how to get hospital corners on my brother’s bed, mumbling something about how I shouldn’t have quit nursing school to get my master’s or I’d know how to do this still.

I hope everyone has a very Happy New Year and has no need for hospital corners or the wiles of a Jack Bauer-esque figure! But if you do, rest assured he will save you no matter what sort of limbs or internal organs he's missing, because he's just that amazing.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Warm and Fuzzy Christmasy Stuff

I’m back in Southern California after four months of living in an (unheated) apartment in Chicago (which clearly nominates me for sainthood. Clearly.). Although four months does not cover twenty-seven years in the paper, rock, scissors game of time, and all of California should be imprinted into my DNA, I am still shocked and ecstatic beyond belief at the warmth and sunshine. Seventy five degrees on Christmas people. SEVENTY FIVE! That’s a Christmas miracle.

When my sister (who was also returning from four months away from the motherland) and I de-boarded the plane in Long Beach the entire group of passengers sighed at the love we were all feeling for each other now that we weren’t subject to inhaling ice. And then the captain kissed every single one of us when we left, on the mouth, and the flight attendants showered us with skittles and rainbows before handing us each our own bottle of champagne and hiring limos to take us home.

Or at least that’s what it felt like.

And we proclaimed: Damn you coats! Where just hours ago you were there to keep my body temperature just slightly above hypothermia, now you are nothing but a Berlin Wall separating my arms from the warm sea air! And you – you wool hat! How dare you take up so much space in my purse, because that’s where you’ll be staying for the next three weeks – Sucker!

From the airport we drove straight (except for the detour to Taco Bell) to my Mom’s house where she greeted us with hugs and kisses and *gasp* had the heat on.

The heat. Was. On.

“Mom,” I said stripping down to my underwear. “Why do you have the heat on? It’s a thousand degrees in here!”

“It’s 76 Miss Smarty Pants, and it’s on because it got down to 66 in here. I was ready to put on my parka.”

My sister put her arm around me and we tilted our heads together as we stared lovingly at our precious little mother.

“Aren’t you the most spoiled, cutest thing ever!” I said right before I ducked her lightning-like right hook, as she swat me with a magazine for being ‘flip’. (I will never be an adult to her. Of course, I still insist on filled stockings from Santa so maybe this is a two way sort of sword, or er, street.)

So, the heat is still on in the house and I’m walking around in shorts and a tank top and I REFUSE to put on anything heavier, (even though I’m pretty sure it just started raining) and my mother is following me around with a blanket and a portable heater everywhere I go saying, “I’m so cold! Put this on.”


It’s good to be home.

Friday, December 28, 2007

So It's Almost Been A Year But I Have Really Good Excuse Hiding Around Here Somewhere

I have a cold sore that refuses to go away. It’s only been three days, but still. Settle down dude. I think it thinks it’s gonna move in and start keeping home on my lip. I got news for you Herpes. . . I plan on being able to look at people without them jumping back in fear very soon, not to mention, I would like to kiss my sister on the cheek on New Year’s without the fear of giving her the death, so BACK UP OFF YO!

On the plus side(s), this is the second outbreak I’ve had in four months so I’ve decided it’s my body’s way of getting it all out just before the end of the year so that my 2008 will be chock (chalk?) full of healthiness. Thanks for thinking ahead virus! You! Are! Awesome!

Also, I know you all are thinking, “Just be grateful you don’t have the kind that shows up on your down theres,” and you’re right. I am grateful. Very, very grateful.

Oh. And I’m gonna start updating regularly again. This was just a preview, a warm up if you will. I’ll be doing lunges in the corner ‘til it’s time to post again.