Puppy Town

So, I almost bought this stinky little sucker yesterday.




He was soooooooooooo cute. And soooooooo stinky. Apparently that's what four months in a pet store does to you because the cashier girl didn't smell much better. He literally left something weird on me and when I got back to Gabi's house I made her smell my chest and then we both dry heaved for a while.

This photo doesn't even do his tininess justice because you all are probably thinking those are normal sized boobs he's up against, but they're not. They're just mine. Becky boosted my spirits about them though the other day by asking if she could borrow my strapless bra, and then when she took it out and held it up to herself she said:

"Oh wow, there's no way this is gonna fit me."

"Hey!"

"What is this? A training bra?"

"Get out of my room."

Did I say 'boosted my spirits'? What I meant was crushed them into tiny little pieces and then showed me her cleavage. So in retaliation I didn't replace the toilet paper. Take that girl-who's-exactly-like-me-but-has-bigger-boobs-and-perfect-skin!

Anyway, as I was trying to figure out which organ I could sell to buy him, a woman walked up to the cage we were standing in (by the way, when the sales girl said we could play with him, but only in the cage, I was immediately freaked out we were gonna be trapped in there and suddenly steel grates would come down over the windows and the door would slam shut, and the lights would dim and we'd be in some weird combo of Silence of the Lambs and that scene in Pulp Fiction (you know the one I'm talking about - you all do - it involves a ball gag) and suddenly the humans are the ones in the cage. The humans are the pets!) and the woman looked over at me and the puppy falling in love, and said, "I'm going to buy him." And I just kind of laughed because, really? Don't you see what's happening here woman?!

And then she did it. She bought him. Which was sad, and for a moment I thought about clutching him to my small bosom and hauling ass, but I didn't. And Gabi gave me a look that was like, "Want me to go after her?" because aside from being my sexy friend (read: slutty)(in a good way) she's also my most ghetto friend and could kick some O.C. butt if she needed to. But I said no because I realized I was absolutely going to have to burn and then bury the shirt I was currently wearing because no amount of washing was going to get that smell out. Maybe the woman who bought him can afford to chemically alter all her clothing, but I can't. I've got toilet paper to buy for my sister.