The Vampire Diaries: Filling the Twilight-Sized Hole in my Heart And Then Slapping Me In The Face And Reminding Me I Never Liked Twilight In The First

Place, But Still Love Vampires Due To A Weird Obsession With Anne Rice When I Was 12, So This Magical Little Piece of Television Programming Is Actually Filling The Lestat-Sized Hole That Was Left In My Heart When Anne Rice Decided To Focus On Religion Instead Of Fictional Blood-Sucking Creatures - Not That There's Anything Wrong With That, It's Just Not What I Would Have Done

I haven't blogged in a long time because I went ahead and did something really stupid.

Heroin.

Ok, not really, but it felt just as wonderful and bad as I imagine heavy IV drug use must. I really didn't want to try it. I held off, said no as politely yet firmly as I could, and changed the subject, or just said, "No, that's ok. I don't want to. But please, you go ahead. I don't mind if you do it. I just don't want to be a part of it," and then I'd catch a glimpse of something awesome as I walked past the room and I could feel myself start to give in. Or I'd hear the gasps and the ohmygods, and I'd peer over my shoulder to see what they were gasping about. Finally they just all looked so satisfied and happy in ways I didn't know because I wasn't doing it with them - ways that I decided I needed to know about, even if it went against everything I stand for.*

(*who am I kidding? Everything I stand for blah blah blah. I love pappy crap more than my own mother.)

(that's totally not true Mom, I'm just trying to make a point.)

So, because I love giving into peer pressure even though I'm thirty now and have a cat of my own, I downloaded Season 1 of The Vampire Diaries and lost two weeks of my life.

Seriously . . . SERIOUSLY. . . It's soooooooo bad and good! Like I could not stop watching. I went to bed at night with my computer running on all cylinders, downloading the four episodes I allowed myself to watch a day (to show my computer I have restraint)(he judges) because God forbid I have to wake up and eat my Cheerios without an episode of the Vampires to watch. One day my internet shut down for about two hours and I almost cried I was so desperate to find out what was going to happen with Elena and Stephan and Damon.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention why I love it?

Vampire brothers. In love with the same girl. They're both totally sexy and murderous. LOVE TRIANGLE. One has to resist feeding on human blood to remain human-ish in demeanor because he loves her so, and the other just doesn't give a shit because he's all, "I'm a Vampire yo. I'm not here to be nice, I'm here to be sexy. Now step back while I take off my shirt and bite into this reporter dude." (Why the abs have to come out for eating and fights? I don't know. Maybe it ups their power. Mama doesn't care. You can be shirtless at my wedding for all I care.)

I wouldn't even answer my phone last week because I had three episodes left, and I wanted to do all my crying in private.

Here's the thing - it's a totally teenager show. It's on the CW for goodness sake. But it's by the same guy who did Dawson's Creek, so it's sort of like he realized all of us who were 14 when that show was on, are now 30 and need something a little heavier so he gave us Vampire Diaries.

Then passed me my Otter Pop, and told me if I didn't get asked to prom he'd take me; but just as friends.

Oh, and did I mention Boone is in it. Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure he didn't die on the island, he just was converted by the smoke monster into a Vampire, and then left to reside in a less confusing place, far, far away from Jack.

Hi.