B: Your mom instant messaged me today.
A: What?! She didn't even tell me she had a screen name!
B: Well, I think the answer to that is that I'm more important.
A: I didn't ask a question, I was yelling.
B: Whatever.
A: How long has she had this alleged screen name?
B: I have no idea. Can I get on with my story?
A: If you say longer than a few weeks she's gonna get it.
B: I don't know how long she's had it. Just call and ask her.
A: Oh right! No way! Apparently we're not close enough for technological communication. I'll have to wait 'til she rides her horse over here.
B: You're not even making any . . . her horse?
A: She's a son of a bitch.
B: Anyway. . .
A: Anyway, go on with your story.
B: So, I ask her if she wants to video chat -
A: She has video chat?!
B: Amy!
A: I'm kidding. Continue.
B: So, I ask and she says no because she hasn't brushed her hair yet.
A: Hahaha-WHAT?!
B: Her hair! Isn't! Brushed!
A: Because her baby daughter - the one who lived with her for 20 years has never seen her without her hair brushed? I've had her walk in and start brushing her teeth while I'm peeing, I think we can all deal with her unkempt hair.
B: I know! Will you please call her. I can't deal with it anymore.
A: Sure . . . but I'm gonna have to put on some lipstick first.
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