Fresyes

Yesterday, after reviewing a client for four straight hours with my boss, she got up, stretched, and headed out for a midday walk on the beach (the spa was closed so she had to settle). Right before she left she turned to look at me literally under a mountain of files (I made the mistake of thinking that if I could stand up without falling over (that often) then a stack of files my height should be able to make it - cut to me rolling around on an oddly tropical patterned carpet, in tax returns like it was money from that scene in Indecent Proposal), and said:

"You know you look tired. What are you doing for fun?"

Ok, if your blind boss is telling you that you look tired, those dark circles under your eyes aren't just little pools of reflection from your hoodie, they're so dark the blind can see them.

Fresno. Fresno is what I do for fun. Because when I think relaxing, I think manure smell and K-fed. On our way up Gabi and I got into cattle farm territory (cowschwitz) and inhaled deeply with smiles on our faces because that meant we were getting close to awesome. I don't know what it is, but there's something about going up to visit Gige that's like going away to camp. We sleep on an air mattress, we eat every two hours, I suddenly can't go two sentences without making an inappropriate joke like I'm twelve years old, there's a strong urge to make a craft, and Gabi stops every ten minutes to show me a half naked David Beckham in one of her magazines and just says, "Mmmhmm". We're like five seconds away from bragging about how Julie Milton almost gave us a hand job in the back of her Dad's Chevy right after she almost let us get to second base. (because at camp we're boys from the 50s)

And Gige is such a good sport, because not only does she invite us in and allow us to be alone in a room with her baby, but she also pretends it doesn't bother her that five minutes after arriving I've spilled an entire glass of wine on her white carpet and Gabi has woken up the baby by yelling 'Fuck' after I spilled the entire glass of wine on Gige's white carpet because it interrupted her blowing up the air mattress with a blower that can only be described as 'louder than god'.

We had such a good time, how could you not, look at this baby:



Hi, that warning strip by my head is because I'm going to make you want be impregnated immediately by anyone, anyone at all!

As we were leaving, Gige said, "Hailey, say goodbye to your Aunties! We're gonna miss them so much!" and Gabi and I started to get teary and throw-up love onto the two of them when she tacked on, "We're gonna miss them 'cause this is the last time you'll see them!"

"Hey!"

"Say bye-bye."

"Wait..."

"They're like humans that should have a rated R stuck on them. When you're eighteen maybe you can see them again."


Needless to say I will be ignoring that last part. She'll have to get a restraining order to keep us away from that town.