Not For Everyone

So I haven't written in a while because I was busy dealing with getting my lady visitor for the first time in six months and apparently it took CONSTANT ATTENTION.

Did you know you actually have to tend to such things and not just ride around in the car with your brand new jeans on all footloose and fancy-free, just thrilled to still be a woman, just thrilled to be alive, not really caring that things hurt, and there's weird cramping, and for some reason your fingers have swollen into the size of little breakfast sausages; and then when you arrive at your destination, beaming as if you'd just had sex for the first time with Ricky Gervais (yes he is sexy I don't care what you say), flipping your hair over your shoulder like you're hoping people will notice how feminine you are today, because today you got something 99% of women absolutely hate getting, but they are fools, FOOLS, because now you know when Ricky Gervais actually does notice you, and you can trick him into bed with you there's a very, VERY good chance you can have his bastard child.

And if that doesn't make a girl happy I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.

But then you realize you haven't actually thought about taking care of the situation, because for six months you didn't have to take care of anything, and suddenly there's the horrible realization that you're standing in the middle of Target glowing in your new jeans, which are now like a bright, flashing beacon to your complete lack of preparedness for womanhood, because even though you don't want to look, you're fairly certain it's all over you and possibly on the sweater rack you had to lean up against when a very unfeminine woman pushed her way past you.

Sorry boys.

Anyway, it turned out fine, nothing awful happened, and it wasn't anywhere near that scene from Superbad - I have just spent the last week and a half trying to get over the fact that I announced to the checker at Target that I was getting these tampons because I'm not barren and did she want a hug?

For the record, she did not.

Also for the record, I will no longer be shopping at that Target.

Hopefully.