Glee, Sex and the City, Rocky Horror, Topless Magic

I'm apparently waaaaay behind the times (with my movie and tv watching), because I just was scrolling through my Netflix and I was like, "Oh what's this. . . Damages? Glenn Close is in a tv show?" *An hour later* "Oh my god this show is amazing! I must tell everyone!" *Calls Becky*

"So there's this show. . . " *Becky lets me go on and on and then says* "Yeah, I think it came out in 2007."

Interesting.

Then I was wandering around Target the other day and I saw a display for Sex and the City II out on DVD and I was like, "Oh man. . . I thought I could still see it in theaters!" So, I went ahead and bought it. Not rented - but bought it - because I loved the first one so much, and thought, "What could go wrong?!"

Oh god. So much. So so much could go wrong.

I'm not gonna get into it, because you all saw it a year ago when you should have (or you didn't because you are smart), but I was so uncomfortable and slightly bored, and then - AND THEN - they got up and sang I Am Woman, at some underground karaoke thing, and I was so embarrassed for them I hid under my sweater and started sweating a little. Like I was mortified for them, looking around to make sure no one was suddenly in my house watching me/them sing so inappropriately. I haven't been that embarrassed for a character since Baby was learning to dance, and carried a watermelon.

I just got sweaty again.

Anyway, so then I recovered and remembered I STILL HAD GLEE TO WATCH! ROCKY HORROR GLEE! ALL MOTHERF*&KING CAPS ROCKY M*F*ING HORROR GLEE!

I know that people who haven't seen Rocky Horror/weren't a total nerd in High School probably didn't appreciate that episode very much, but oh my shit it made me so happy I can't even stand it!

The only thing that was a little questionable was the word changes in Touch Me, to make it a little more FOX friendly - it pretty much undid every sexual fantasy I had between 1994-1998.

But then made up for it!!! Finn as Brad! Can you make me wish I was a transvestite any more? (Brad sleeps with Dr. Frank N. Furter in the movie. I think. Maybe I'm just wishing.) (No, he totally does. Tim Curry - Hot.) Meatloaf and Barry Bostwick guest starring! Uncle Jesse singing and motorcycle riding all over the place gaflaghaliuewrpjsldkfka! AHHHHHH! It's like they took all forms of happiness, shook them up in a snow globe and let it explode it's joy all over the world!

The only problem I have with this, is that I'm behind the times so I had to watch it on Hulu and sometimes my internet is slow and takes time to load like right in the middle of my heart spasming out of my brain with pure, weird bliss, so I get all antsy and, again, sweaty with joy. (Medical condition I should get looked at?) I get sweaty when I'm embarrassed and excited - it's a curse. I blame my mom. I also get sweaty more when I'm cold than when I'm hot. Don't ask me why, just know that it's making me rethink my refusal to move directly onto the equator.

Anyway, so as I was waiting for Hulu to load my Glee (which I have figured out how to hook up to my tv so I can pretend it's on in the middle of the day) (am technical genius!), I whipped off my shirt and ran to the kitchen to wash my armpits. (I have a system. It involves washing and reapplying. Don't judge me.) I'm not about to run to the bathroom because then I might miss some of the episode so I stand at the kitchen sink wetting my underarms and squirting some Dawn up on there, stealthily keeping an eye on the tv, and then I realize I don't keep my deodorant in the kitchen! So I start to panic, because this means I'll have to go in the bathroom, but panicking means more sweating, so I calm down and look from the TV to the bathroom. TV to the bathroom. Bathroom. TV. Bathroom. TV.

And then I run.

And I get back just in time, because the show has started again, and I'm singing, and thrilled, and multitasking by applying my deodorant, and singing some more, and then . . . out of the blue. . . I'm not kidding. . . The goddamn UPS guy shows up. AGAIN!

And the worst part is the TV is right next to these two, huge, sliding glass doors, so it's not even like I can duck down below the windowsill, because there is not windowsill! It's just huge glass panes of embarrassment, there to show off my glowing white goodies to all of the yard, and the UPS delivery guys who don't use the side door like they should.

I never order stuff from UPS. I'm not sure why suddenly he's coming to deliver stuff to me EVERYDAY at the worst possible time!!!

So, I'm standing there, topless, in pajama pants (again) in the middle of the day, the only thing making me feel better is the fact that I do not have a wine glass out.

And he just stands there.

As do I.

Uh....

Hey . . .

Uhm. . . This looks weird.

Uh. . .

I was just . . . Glee is on.

And it makes me sweaty.

Oh . . . ok?

So . . . uh. . .

. . .

. . .

Ok, I'm just gonna leave this here.

Needless to say, he just dropped the package right there, didn't even have me sign for it, just sort of waved and backed up without turning around until we couldn't see each other anymore. I'm not sure why I just froze there, except that I think I kind of thought if I didn't move maybe he wouldn't think I was real.

If you look you can see James in the background, watching and judging. He stayed away until the guy left as if he was embarrassed, and didn't want strangers to know that this is where he gets his food. And the front shot of me - those bangs - that's what happens when I don't put on the headband. I look like I have a botched mullet. Too short in the front. Too much party in the back.

I don't know why my leg was up either, it's not like I was going to deodorize down there next, I think I was just too excited to be standing still, and I didn't even notice my leg was up until after the UPS guy had left and I had to forcibly put it down. Maybe I always do that? Like when girls put on mascara and they open their mouths? I'm gonna have to pay attention next time I use it. Which could be soon. Glee is on again tonight.