Me: Hi?
Chicago friend: How’s your play?
Me: (Why would you ask me such a terrible question!?) I only have like four scenes done.
CF: FOUR?!?
Me: (Oh shit, I knew it was bad. I’m gonna get fired.)
CF:I haven’t started!
Me: (I don’t know if you can get fired from grad school. Kicked out? Maybe I’ll be fired and kicked out it’ll be a new thing I star- Wait! He hasn’t started?!?) You haven’t started?
CF: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHladjkjf0awoeihalsnhfjkasdhff
Me: Dude… settle down. (You are so screwed)
CF: You settle down!
Me: I am settled (now). I’ve started at least (I was crying before you called).
CF: I think I might need to refill my Ritalin.
Me: You shouldn’t do drugs (bwahahaha I win!)
CF: I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!
Me: You’ll be fine (yes!yes!yes!), just sit down and do it (as if I have any idea what I’m talking about. I’m just glad someone’s worse off than me.)
CF: You’re so put together. I don’t know how you do it.
Me: Oh gosh, I’m not really. (I drink. A lot.)
CF: *quiet sobbing*
Me: Let it out dude. Let it all out. (Sucker)
3 comments:
I am now officially addicted to your blog. I drink it in like coffee in the morning. How did I end up with such a funny cousin?
You're the only one who can make me laugh out loud when I've got snot running down my face, my head is throbbing and my throat is making me want to swallow hot coals.
Yes, that's a compliment.
You are awesome! I think... no... yes, you are my favorite first cousin that’s older than me. (‘had to make sure that that was legal)
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