String Cheese and Capri Sun Was On The Previous List

This morning I was cleaning out my pockets and noticed my grocery list from yesterday, the list didn't seem odd to me yesterday but this morning I gave myself a dirty look and shook my head in dismay at . . . myself.

Ralph's: (It said, because apparently I need reminders of where to buy groceries)

Raisin Bran
Fudgsicles!

That's it. That's all that was there, raisin bran and a very excited fudgsicle request. Because I like to eat like a six year old. The good news is, if a kindergartner comes wandering into my yard all disheveled and hungry I'll have plenty of string cheese and popsicle-like things to feed him.

Ok, that's a lie, those weren't the only two things on the list. At the bottom of the post-it there was this:
porn (soft)

Yeah, and that's why I was shaking my head at me, because I added a joke item to my own list. Not even like tacking it on to my sister's, which is what I really wanted to do, but didn't because she wasn't sitting near me when I thought of it. My jokes are getting lazier and lazier.

In other news it's raining this morning and I went for a run anyway because I love running in the rain (ok, and I love running past the army base because they always cheer for me - as if running in the rain is the same thing as risking my life for my country! If that gets them proud wait til they see me taking out the trash in my socks!) Anyway, when I got back I noticed I was soaked all over except for the middle section of my shirt. Like, from just under the boobs to my waist was totally dry - which led me to the only logical conclusion - my boobs are big enough to act as a shelf!

"F yeah! I have boobs that can block rain!" I yelled to Crystal (the dog), and then did a little dance of breast-victory around my kitchen while eating a spoonful of peanut butter (I showed the spoonful to my boobs first and said, "This is for you.") Crystal didn't give me the sort of reaction I needed, but I was still sort of happy about it when I went into work so I decided to tell one of my co-workers about it because I have to listen to her talk about mattress shopping for fourteen hours a day so she can hear this.

"And it was totally dry! From here, to here."

"Huh."

"Pretty cool huh?"

"Well, are you sure you weren't just hunched over when you were running?"

"Yes I'm su . . . wait."

"Let me see your stance."

"It's like this."

"Jog down to the end of the hall."

"But I just got coffee."

"How can I tell then?"

"Fine." (**jogs to end of hall**then back**)

"You're pretty slow."

"I'm at work."

"Still."

"Was I hunched?"

"Oh, totally."

Well of course I was hunched over! I have shelf-like boobs. Rain-stopping boobs. Boobs that look deceptively tiny, especially in a smashed-them-down sports bra, and even more so in real naked life, but still! Clearly I was hunched because of them, so my theory still stands. And later, at lunch, you better believe I'm gonna be checking to see if any crumbs get stopped by those suckers. Anything can happen.