Coffee Drinking

I'm fairly familiar with the rules of the coffee pot and coffee drinking in general. You can put certain things in your coffee depending on how you like it - cream, milk, soy milk, Bailey's, that fake powder stuff that's not milk or cream, but is just a chemical concoction made to be cream-like that I loooooooove but is probably giving me cheek cancer or something - but that's about it. Thems the rules of coffee drinking.

However, James decided to say f*&k the rules. "I don't need rules, I'm a cat. You ever see me wash my hands after I go to the bathroom? No. Because I'm a cat who hates rules. I just do my business and then walk all over your pillow. You got a problem with that?"

"Well, a little bit."

"What? I couldn't hear you I was too busy licking the spot where one of my nipples shows through my fur."

"Yeah I sorta wish you would wipe your feet or something before you walked all over a place where I put my face."

"Maybe you should put your face somewhere else."

"I . . . what?"

"You heard me."

"Ok, whatever, it's coffee time."

"Oh good. Now, allow me to show you how cats spice up their coffee:"

And then he proceeded to dip his right paw into my coffee cup and hold it there for a good three seconds. Then calmly took it out and shook it off while I stared at him like a mother staring at her baby who just lit up a cigarette. But he wasn't done. He took his left paw, dipped it in, held it there for a good amount of time, took it out and shook it off while I stared at him even harder. Like a mother looking at her baby who just lit a fresh cigarette with the butt of her old one. (chain smoking baby would be the creepiest thing since they invented those dolls whose eyes open and close when you tilt them. like a demon.)

He just kinda sat there and stared at me after that, watching to see if I would drink his cat-paw coffee and I almost felt threatened. Like - if I don't take a sip of this, is he gonna beat me up?

So, I pretended to take a sip while he watched me, and then I promptly dumped it out and poured myself a new cup. Because I'm all for breaking rules when you need to, but not with coffee. Coffee is too good for change.