Lunch Time

So, I've been working remotely a little bit which is fun a) because it allows me to stay in my pjs until 4pm, or whenever I have to see another human, and b) because never, not ever, at my office has this escaped and come charging down the road at me, braying like it just popped out of the Shrek movie and into real life and LIKED IT.



This is after it was corralled back into it's proper home, hence the death/vaguely suicidal glare he's giving me - but let me tell you something, donkeys may seem slow and depressed because they're always losing their tails (because I can't remember anything from any History class I've ever taken, but I remember everything I've ever learned from cartoons), but this little sucker can haul ass.

No pun intended.

He was running so fast and happily, it seemed wrong to stop him. Have you ever seen a donkey in person? It's exactly like this:




Ok no it's not like that at all, but OH MY GOD look at this picture I found!

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THAT POOR DONKEY!?!

And they say love is blind. I don't think so. I think that giraffe saw something he liked, something he really liked, chugged the last of his vodka-coke and sauntered up to the cute little donkey at the end of the bar and then made things happen.

"Hey."

"Oh. . . hey."

"I'm Gene the Giraffe."

"Hi Gene. I'm Dawn the Donkey."

"Oh, Don. Nice to meet you buddy, just. . .uh. . .this is awkward."

"No, Dawn. I'm a girl."

"I thought so. Ha, ha. It's hard to smell you from the other end of the bar."

"You too."

**they giggle and gaze**

"You want another drink Dawn the girl Donkey?"

"Oh, I shouldn't. I've already had two."

"Well you can **clears his throat** sip it slowly."

"Oh, uh. . . "

"Oh jeeze, I didn't mean. . . I actually had something stuck in my throat, I wasn't trying to suggest something weird, I had a handful of pistachios and the coating just sort of stuck right here. . . Shoot. I really didn't mean to insinuate you should sip slowly for me, I-"

"No, that's ok, I understand. I clear my throat all the time."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Plus that doesn't really make sense does it? That's some terrible innuendo if that's what you were going for."

"I know. I only do really awesome innuendo. I mean. . ."

"Ha, ha, ha."

"Man, I can't talk around you Dawn the Donkey."

"You're doing just fine Gene the Giraffe."

**hooves touch gently under the bar, and the rest is photographic history**


Anyway, nothing like that happened to the runaway donkey I saw, but he was really cute, and looked a lot like this in real life:




Fat body + stubby legs + goofy mouth = So super cute I can't stand it!!!

See also:




Oh my gosh I'm getting so off track.

So, I felt so bad when he was roped back to his home because he looked just so happy to be free! And I know we can't just have donkey's roaming the streets all free and loosey goosey, but c'mon! All he wanted was one afternoon of galloping in the sunshine down a busy street! I'm sure he would have wandered back home when it was dinner time, like a barnyard cat, or my Uncle Steve.

And that's why I'm never allowed to have farm animals, or be left alone in a zoo. Because the first thing I'd probably do is cry because the monkeys look sad, and then b)open all the cages and send all the zoo/farm animals to their freedoms (read: eventual death by freeway), and then later will cry myself to sleep for setting wild animals loose and probably doing them more harm than if they had just stayed in their farm/zoo.

So when my kids ask you why they never had a petting zoo at their birthday parties refer them to this post. And then remind them that's also how mommy ended up in prison. Again.