We Also Quote Commercials From The Early 80s

Have I mentioned that my sister and I do something horribly embarrassing?

Not like, weird-embarrassing stuff that other sisters do like brushing each other's hair in public with their fingers, or holding hands, or making out with each other's boyfriends, just normal-embarrassing. (I'm not sure if that's what sisters do, but that's what I imagine other sisters are like probably because I read too much V.C. Andrews when I was in sixth grade, and also because I don't really know many sisters. Most of my friends just have brothers, or if they have sisters they live in different states from them hence the public grooming is kept to a minimum.)

Anyway, the other day someone bonked their knee on something and Becky immediately screamed in a very droning way, "Geeeeeet an ice pack!" to which I responded, "Geeeeeeet an iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice pack!" and then we burst into uncontrollable laughter. And the knee bonker said, "What's that from?" Because it was clear we were quoting something. So Becky and I just stared at each other like, "Uh oh. What the fuck do we do now. Make something up, quick! Quick!"

"Bonanza."

"That's not from Bonanza."

"How do you know?"

"Well, a) because you guys were talking in some weird sort of accent that was not Southern. And b) you just told me the other day you've never seen an episode of Bonanza."

"Way to go Becky."

"Oh like I was supposed to know she would remember that."

"So, what is it from?"

**We sort of stare at the floor and shift back and forth hoping the shifting with be sway-y enough to hypnotize her into forgetting what she'd just asked.**

"Guys?"

**Shifting didn't work. I shift harder.**

"Hello?"

**Becky looks over and sort of hold her arms out like she's going to have to catch me because now I'm rocking like a crazy person**

"Ok, fine. You tell her."

"Fine," Becky says. "It's from 1991."

"What?"

"It's from a home video from 1991, ok. We're quoting ourselves. We're quoting a home movie."

"Oh my god."

Oh yeah, that's right. It's totally unavoidable. We try reeeeeeeally hard not to do it in front of people because it's horribly stupid to quote a video you made one day after school before your parents came home - but it burned itself into our memory so hard I can't not quote it.

I'm not sure why, but we went through this phase where after school time, became lets-video-tape-ourselves-being-totally-stupid time. If I had the balls I'd post a clip of it sometime, but I don't yet. It's too embarrassing. Becky was still growing out her mullet, and I was like eleven years old, six feet tall, about a hundred pounds, and had Sally Jesse Raphel glasses that wouldn't quit. (somehow I grew so fast and awkwardly, but Becky took her slow time, and flew by unnoticed, even though she hit six feet she did it by the end of High School, so by that time most of the boys had sprouted and she didn't look odd at all. Bitch.)

Instead of the video, here's a drawing of what I looked like when I was eleven and why I'm so glad I made it through to semi-adulthood without too much psychological damage or therapy.

It might not seem that bad but that's only because I can't draw acne or the fact that my chest looked like a little boy's.

Here's some descriptions of what was going on here.

And this still doesn't do what my life was like justice because you can't tell how tall I really am. So I drew a to-scale drawing of me versus some of my friends in fifth grade.

I am not exaggerating. This is the height difference between us for years and years. I frequently was knocking my friends in the head with my elbows because my hands were always on my hips - they were so long and lanky I didn't know where else to put them. Dangling by my side they just looked like hairy gorilla arms that I was about to trip on.

In sixth grade I tried to go trick-or-treating with my friends but a handful of houses refused to give me candy because they thought I was the teenage older sister taking her kid sisters out. I cried every time they said no, and luckily that pulled on their (almost non-existent) heartstrings enough for them to chuck a mini snickers into my bag.

Looking back I should have taken advantage of my tallness to . . . I don't know . . . reach things. And play basketball. But I was too busy being a kid, and making home videos with legos and our hamsters. See where having fun gets you? Unable to dunk a ball. That's where! And quoting yourself.

So embarrassing.