Rainy

I love when it rains here, mostly cause it never happens so when it does So Cal-ers go ape shit crazy and start wearing wellies and carrying umbrellas around inside their houses (my OCD with bad-luck-avoidance just FREAKED OUT), and people suddenly think driving is a sport wherein you try to avoid each individual rain drop by swerving out of the way of the rain and into each other, like bumper cars in a pinball machine that's been filled with water and Botox and Wee Man from the Jackass movies (he lives here and seems to be everywhere you ever want to go, including setting up his own taco shop where the Taco Bell used to be that I single handedly kept in business from 1994-1999). And yes, I'm from here but I handle the crazy differently - I drive like an 80 year old at the nice pace of 15 mph, and I brake if I see a stop light five miles ahead.

So, since it took me forty five minutes to drive the three miles to my work this morning, I got to see a lot. But my favorite wasn't the guy who strapped an umbrella to his dog's back for their morning walk - which really only protected the back half of the dog - it was a woman I saw getting off the bus. She missed the last step, like completely missed it, almost as if she just shut her eyes and jumped, and then fell straight into a pool-sized puddle, flat on her back. My instinct was to leap out of the car to help her - I mean, I was only going like 5 mph, I could just roll out - but then she started laughing hysterically flapping her arms and pretended to do the backstroke. Then came the fake synchronized swimming moves. Then some more backstroke. I'm pretty sure if the bus didn't have to move, and if she hadn't just realized she was soaking in a pool of brown acid rain water, it could have gone on like that forever.

Oh my gosh I love her so much. And if I didn't have to keep my hands at ten and two on the steering wheel to avoid imminent death by rain-driving, I totally would have taken a video of her. And then asked her to marry someone in my family so we could be related.