I Got My Lungs X-Rayed And They're Fine, You Know, Except For The Fluid

My grandma is making me drink a crazy concoction of red zinger tea, vinegar and cheyenne pepper to make my pneumonia go away. I don't remember her ever going to medical school, but she claims this will cure my horrible cough - along with joint inflamation, and the sewer problems plaguing our inside toilet. (We don't have an outhouse, let's not get carried away, but we do have a bathroom in the garage. Cause that's how we roll. Garage bathrooms for everyone!)

I'm here to tell you that vinegar and pepper do not make a good replacement for cream and sugar. I don't know where she got this crazy reciepe but maybe the gagging is supposed to distract from the coughing. Now she's got her little Russian, 88 year old, worker-man making me this stuff every hour, and he speaks very forcefully to me when I don't finish my tea. He probably would be yelling at me if he could, but his vocal chords don't work very well anymore. The angrier he gets, the more his voice turns to a whisper.

Russian: YOU DRINK TEA OR you get sick in the lung.
Me: But have you tried it? It's torture.
Russian: I drink all the time. Is good.
Me: Yeah but how do you know it's doing any good, I mean listen to yourself man.
Russian: Ah. . . I think you make fun of me yes? Now you drink more. I stand here and watch.
Me: Like a spy? You're not an ex-KGB are you?
Russian: DRINK!
Me: This isn't the U.S.S.R.!
Russian: asldkjfao ieurjwal nerfas ff9.
Me: I don't know what that means, but I'm not drinking that.
Russian: **stares up at me with crazy eyes**
Me: **am not distracted. will not back down and drink poision tea.**
Russian: **still staring with intensity of someone that's killed for less**
Me: Stop it.
Russian: **stare**
Me: FINE!
Russian: Ha. Russian always win.
Me: Yeah, good job with that Crimean thing.
Russian: What?
Me: I love tea.