Sisters

Sometimes she has undeniable proof she's not adopted:

A: Does Phil Collins make you airsick?

B: With every word of every song.

A: I know right?

B: Not carsick, or plain motion sick, but like airplane-sick.

A: Yes me too! It's so weird. I can actually smell Delta's carpet when 'Another Day In Paradise' comes on the radio.

B: Ew, don't even say that!

A: Or the taste of 7Up.

B: Flu-sick.

A: Saltine crackers.

B: Again, flu-sick.

A: The smell of plastic grocery bags.

B: Car-sick.

A: Phil Collins.

B: Doooooooon't!

A: I don't feel good.

B: This is the worst game ever.




So, I'm not sure why exactly, I'm sure he's an excellent singer and a nice person to boot, but neither Becky or I can get through a single Genesis song without feeling nauseous and like we're stuck on a plane over the Atlantic with ten hours left to go before we touch land, and not enough barf bags to last until then. It's not that we hate it and we're just being dramatic - on the contrary, I think I'd probably like his stuff - it's an actual physical reaction, like the chords trigger something in our brains that send off memories of childhood airplane trauma and suddenly my ears need to pop, and my equilibrium is all off, and Becky has turned a pale shade of green.

The only other celebrity that does that to me is Oprah. Which I know is like blasphemy, and all my female friends are going to disown me, but it's like the timbre of her voice sends signals from my brain to the rest of my body to feel stay-home-in-fifth-grade sick, sucking on ice cubes so that when my mom takes my temperature I won't have a fever anymore and she'll let me go to school the next day so I don't have to hear Oprah interview child molesters and give me nightmares about future gym teachers for the rest of my life.

A: What about Oprah?

B: What about her?

A: Does she trigger anything?

B: Only my desire to be a better person and wear the right size bra.

A: Really?

B: No, that's stay-home-from-school sick.


I knew it!