Working, Sorta

I've got about ten thousand tax returns to do so naturally I've spent the entire morning cutting each individual split end of hair I have with the HR scissors. There's something about having a ton of work to do that makes me decide I have to be impeccable with my grooming. All through grad school I don't think I flossed once, and suddenly I get to work where a pile of files is waiting for me and decide I need to go brush each tooth in little circles thirty-two times and then floss before and after lunch. (Ok, I flossed in grad school.) (Just not in a crazy I-like-to-make-my-gums-bleed-to-avoid-this-asset-liquidation kind of a way.) And I think it's that you're supposed to chew your food thirty times before swallowing, not whittle down your teeth 'til they're see-thru, but still. You wanna see freshly combed arm hair? Come visit me during a deadline day.

It doesn't last long though, because explaining why I've been standing in front of the copier for half an hour inspecting my ironing job in the reflection of the toaster oven is getting harder and harder.

Me: File room, this is Amy.
Boss: What are you doing?
Me: **looks at scissors in my hand** Being thorough?
Boss: Finally someone is.
Me: **interesting**
Boss: Buzz me when you're done.
Me: You got it.

Or maybe it's not that hard. But still, I've got to stop stalling or I'm not going to have any hair left. Or teeth for that matter. And I like my teeth. They help with the eating. Plus I've got this chip in my front tooth that's almost unnoticeable, but I tongue it all day long hoping it'll wear away a little and make me look like a badass. Or at the very least some sort of pirate.

Boss: I think you'll just look like a homeless person.
Me: See this is why we only talk about work.
Boss: A gypsy homeless person.
Me: At least I'll be colorful. And Romanian-ish.
Boss: What do the Romans have to do with this?
Me: No, Romanians.
Boss: . . .Vampires?
Me: Exactly!

Sometimes we're all just stalling. Because after this, my boss did her makeup instead of reviewing a return with me. Those genes of hers run much stronger than I thought.