Fact: If Becky does not spend the night at our house Crystal thinks its her job to wake me up at 3am and remind me. With heavy barking at the wall. Just staring all creepy-like and barking her spaceship poodle head at the wall.
Further fact: This never fails to send me into a full on 3rd grader mode of terror, wherein I'm convinced she's barking at the wall because there's a murderer hiding in it. Never mind the fact that the wall is only like five inches wide. This is clearly a skinny murderer. And one that apparently can pass through walls.
More facts: After I take a deep breath and a swig off the wine glass I brought with me (for protection?), and am brave enough to realize there's no real murderer in the wall, I immediately think Crystal is possessed and/or the murderer, and this is just her way of warming up to somehow killing me painfully and slowly, probably by turning into a demon murderer (because dogs can't kill, but they can turn into black, smokey monster people), and first she's just gonna mess me up psychologically by barking at a blank wall, then comes the murdering transformation from arthritic, deaf, cataracted old dog, to evil Hannibal Lecter.
Even more facts: Right before I'm about to cry and/or call number 3 on my speed dial and start screaming bloody murder Crystal will look up at me and start wagging her tail, before turning, licking my hand and walking all cute-like, her butt wagging back and forth to her little doggie bed at the foot of my own bed. At which, I will pretend I'm over it and climb into bed relieved. I'll climb in on the other side though, because she still could transform, if the wall tells her to.
Fact: I'm almost thirty.
2 comments:
I used to think that dog was possessed too. Then I realized it was just diahrrea.
(Hers, not mine.)
"I'm almost 30"
Tell me about it, same... It's weird though, as when I was younger I thought I was supposed to be all grown up and such. If only 8 year old me could see me on a Friday night.
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