Two birds just fucked on my window ledge.
Well, good morning to you too nature!
(Weirdest alarm clock ever)
And when I say f*&#ed I don't mean, made love, or copulated, or had sweet, tender bird intercourse - I mean they f-ed. They f-ed so loud it woke me up. It was rough, and it was hard, I think some biting was involved, there was definitely a forceful, animal rhythm, deep gutteral sounds I thought only dogs made, and at one point I could have sworn the boy bird grabbed a handful of the girl bird's hair and pulled her back to whisper "Do you like that?" (Ewww, I just creeped myself out!)
And of course I didn't just shoo them away and go back to bed for five precious minutes, instead I just sat there peeking out at them through a slit in my blinds, watching the whole thing happen at 5:45 in the morning before realizing I was the creepy-dawn-time-bird-sex watcher with no pants on.
It was like they had been out flirting at a bar all night, making out by the jukebox, and then came home hours after last call, in a bourbon haze to use all that built up, drunk, bird-sex tension and f&*# passionately on the kitchen floor. Except their kitchen floor is my window ledge.
(And for the record, I didn't take my pants off to watch the birds, they were already off.)
(Because it's hot here, not because I'm just pants-off, always-ready to do some peeping.)
Anyway, as different as a wake-up as that was, I'd much prefer something a little calmer to wake me up in the future. At the very least some light oral. I mean, if they have to.
2 comments:
I'm sure there is someone out there blogging about how they were pants-off watching someone who was pants-off watching some birds do it.
This is the best thing I've ever read.
(No offense to all prior entries of jewintheroom. You're all great, I really love you. But this one has got a little something extra. The "It" Factor, if you will.)
(And no I'm not saying that because of the use of the word F*@!. Or because of the multiple times Amy mentions herself pantsless.)
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