I Could Have Asked For Much Worse

"You know what would be a really good birthday gift?"

"Bradley Cooper naked on your bed with a rose in his teeth and peanut butter spread all over his no-no?"

"Gabi!"

"Fine. No peanut butter. Yes silk undies."

"How about silk men's thong?"

"Thong, really? This isn't a strip club in Vegas."

"I'm kinda into them right now."

"What do you mean you're kinda into them right now?"

"They seem sexy. They highlight the area."

"All you need to do is show them a picture of a set of boobs and the area is going to be 'highlighted' you don't need a banana hammock."

"Maybe you don't. I like the way it makes it stand out."

"Well. . . it's your birthday."

"Oh yeah, stop distracting me! I asked you a question."

"What?"

"You know what would make a good birthday gift?"

"Wait, can I interrupt?"

"I guess s-"

"There's only one time a dude looked good in a thong. That stripper from Gige's bachelorette party. Mmmmmmmhmmmm."

"Lots of dudes could look good in a thong."

"Is this the being-off-the-pill talking?"

"Maybe."

"Ok, what would be a good birthday gift?"

"I can't remember."

"Please tell me you're not thinking about thongs. You don't even wear them."

"I just want to see what a yellow one would look like."

"Amy. . . "

"Mustard yellow."

"Oh Jesus."

"Oh hey, I know what you can get me for my birthday!"

"Forget it."

"But-"

"No."

"Remember what I got you that one year when we went to Benihana?"

"Nu-oh shoot. Yeah. I do."

"Please."


**sigh**
"Fine."

"Yessss!"
**Stehpanie Tanner fist**

"You're the weirdest thirty year old I know."

"I'm not thirty yet."

"I'm just getting ready."

"Fair enough."