Crystal and James For Ever

A: Oh my god! Becky! BECKY!!!

B: What?! I'm right here.

(I turn into Becky's room where she is in bed, under the covers, reading Lost spoilers. Which is where it is SO OBVIOUS she was adopted! Lost spoilers!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I didn't even want to hear what happened in the last episode of Friends when it ended, because what if something crazy-good happened like Ross and Monica made out and I didn't get the full element of surprise! and there's no way I'll ever watch The Crying Game, because I know the ending and if I have to go into it knowing what's going to happen that fun little game I play called, Shouting Out What You Think Is Going To Happen Every Five Minutes, gets totally ruined.)

A: BECKY!

B: STOP SHOUTING AT ME!

A: Oh my God you just missed the cutest thing!

B: Ok, talk quick. I want to find out why Sayid is acting like Ben Stein.

A: Ok, so I was just in my room. . . are you still in your work clothes?

B: I'm too tired to change.

A: So, I'm in my room and I leave to let Crystal out into the backyard, and she must have sensed James was awake because she goes right up to the screen door, and James goes right up to the screen door, and they're standing there - on opposite sides of the screen - sniffing each other, and gazing at each other.

B: . . .

A: They were like nose-to-nose, except for the tiniest bit of chain metal separating their love!

B: Are you sure Crystal didn't just want to eat James?

A: Crystal doesn't want to eat cats (**not gonna do it. i'm thirty now.**) she wants to love, and sniff, and be pet, and kiss, and possibly get one of those little harnesses, or saddles they put on elephants on safaris so she can have James ride around on her back while she lumbers around the backyard, showing him the sights, letting him enjoy his high-up adventure, while she sings Baby, baby, baby - oooooooh - I thought you'd always be mine.

B:. . .

A: For you I woulda done whatever. I just can't believe ain't not together. . . And I wanna play it cool. But I 'm losing you. I buy you anything. I buy you any ring.

B: Is that Justin Bieber?

A: He sings from Crystal's heart.

B: No he doesn't.

A: Yeah. He does. Crystal wants James to shake me til you wake me from this bad dream because she's going down, down, down, and she just can't believe her first love won't be around.

B: Oh lord.

A: My point is-

B: I love that Justin Bieber.

A: I know you do.

B: Remember when you thought he was black?

A: How is he white?! I don't get it!

B: I'm guessing his parents had something to do with it.

A: And why does his hair look like he just got off a roller coaster?

B: Amy! Your point? I have spoilers to read.

A: My point is Crystal and James. They're like prisoners in love. But like prisoners in different prisons. Or like a prisoner and a guard.

B:. . . .

A: Like Romeo and Juliet.

B: Which one is Romeo?

A: Crystal.

B: Ok. . . continue.

A: She wants to have the literal and metaphorical barrier between them broken down!!!

B: (**stares for a long time**)

A: (**stares back a little jumpily with excitement at their love**)

B: You need to get out of your room more.

A: Yeah. I know.



Now presenting - The love song I make Crystal sing to James when no one is looking:





(p.s. What the H is going on at about 26 seconds?!)
(p.p.s. I could go on and on about how ridiculously awesome this video is. But I have taxes to do.)